“Tough love” is a phrase that comes to mind when I think about trusted advisorship. There’s the love part: traits like compassion, sensitivity, understanding, curiosity, empathy. And there’s bringing a certain toughness, too: a willingness to ask a really provocative question, put a stake in the ground, or put hard truths on the table. Today’s tip focuses on how to do the latter in a way that actually builds trust, rather than breaks it.

I lead workshops to a lot of really smart subject matter experts, most of whom are right a lot of the time—and like others to see it that way. I help them begin to see why this is a problem, which I’ll bottom-line for you with a favorite quote from my co-author Charlie Green: “Being right is vastly overrated. Being right too soon just pisses people off.”

Charlie and I got to share a lot of great stories in The Fieldbook. In fact, for me it was the best part of writing the book. One of my favorite stories is a reprise from The Trusted Advisor. It tells the tale that’s part cautionary, part inspirational, all business. And worth repeating.

If you’re in the U.S., or familiar with current U.S. sitcoms, you might know Phil Dunphy, the self-described “cool dad” on Modern Family.

Phil is likable, loyal, goofy, pun-happy, and often the subject of wife Clare’s frustration and eye rolls as he tries hard to do right by her and often (cluelessly) gets it wrong.

We’re continuing last week’s focus on building trust at a distance because it’s a challenge for so many of us.

Here’s a quick recap of the first four best practices, all of which increase familiarity—a sense of knowing one another—by increasing reliability:

At the risk of stating the obvious, trust is critical for teams, and even more so for teams who collaborate at a distance. In my workshops, we talk a lot about making closer and more personal connections with people, and the question naturally arises, “Is it even possible to build that kind of trust at a distance?”

Looks like I’m on a bit of a roll with the sales topic. That’s partly because the topic is germane no matter what title your business card indicates (every single one of us is selling ideas), and partly because there’s so much really bad advice out there about how to do it.

Everyone loves to buy. No one likes to be sold—not you, and not your clients. That’s for good reason, because “selling” gets a deservedly bad rap. Even in the dictionary, the verb “to sell” is linked to imposing, cheating and betrayal.

It happened again, just last week. We’re on a teleconference call. Charlie and I are the buyers. We’re joined by a salesperson. A couple of our team members beep in and the call officially begins. Sales Guy leads brief introductions for all attending. Good. We exchange a few pleasantries. Nice. Then Sales Guy does the thing I hate most.

I work with a lot of really smart clients who aren’t arrogant at all, they just come across that way. Sometimes their clients let them know it’s a problem; other times instead of feedback they get tuned out.