I hate it when I screw stuff up, especially when it comes to relationships.

I once sent a not-so-nice email to a colleague I’ll call Randy. I did it after I got a fervent complaint from a new client about him. Randy was negotiating a speaking fee on my behalf and, from the client’s perspective, took a firm stand in a way that did not go over well. The client said something triggering for me: “Randy could stand to learn from you about doing business in a trustworthy way.” Cue the entrance of my high horse.

It’s that time of year again. Holiday and year-end celebrations are approaching at lightning speed, which means a high probability you’re negatively anticipating, or even dreading, being with a certain family member. Or two. Or more. A politically-charged climate makes this 100 times harder.

Last week’s story about my latest embarrassing moment (and subsequent muted stupor) reminded me of a favorite Charlie Green story, which concludes with very specific tips for how to deal with awkward silence in a trust-building way.

I ran into someone the other day who recognized me but couldn’t figure out why. I didn’t have the courage to help him out. I was reminded of an important trust lesson in the process.

I got chastised (rightly and nicely) by a client last week for doing a bad job of setting expectations. And then I got a taste of my own medicine in a very personal way. I’m sharing in case any of it rings true, and you see an opportunity to increase your own trustworthiness as a result.

Some of you know we moved to a new house this summer. We’ve been doing a bunch of renovations, yielding no shortage of lessons learned from interactions with contractors and suppliers. One such lesson—a surprising take on reliability—applies equally to the kind of people who read these tips.

Last week’s post on the perils of the “assumptive close” got me thinking about a real-life example of how a financial advisor’s robotic (and safe) cold call killed my trust and lost my business. Consider this another cautionary tale that’s not meant only for more traditional salespeople. I bet if you look hard enough, you’ll find yourself in the example no matter your role, if only a little … a little too risk-averse, a little too “professional,” a little too brief.

I was shopping for a Halloween costume the other day and I was reminded of a big sales no-no in the process—that is, if you want to sell the trust-based way. And while my experience was in the realm of retail, it’s also a cautionary tale for anyone in professional services.

Last week I focused on one of the greatest opportunities for us all to improve our trustworthiness: getting off our “S” (self-orientation). I wrote about Level 1 troubleshooting, which zeros in on the fundamentals (things like being curious, generous, and truly committed to doing right by them). This week we go deeper with Level 2 to deal with the sneaky parts.

One of the greatest opportunities for us all to improve our trustworthiness lies in the self-orientation variable of the trust equation. Fortunately, there are specific things we all can do about that.