Reprise: The un-resolution resolution that promotes extraordinary relationships with others

by | Jan 18, 2026 | Monthly-ish tips

This post is part of our Monthly-ish Tips series.

We’re a few weeks into a new calendar year, which means that any New Year’s resolutions resolutely declared have likely faltered—at least according to psychologists who say we typically do well for the first two weeks and then backslide by February. I’ve suggested before that buddying up can be a helpful antidote. This year I’m reprising another strategy that has continued to resonate with our workshop audiences when we talk about how to make change really stick. It’s a different kind of approach that paves the way for many things, including extraordinary work relationships.

Bottom line up front: If you want better relationships with others, resolve to be kinder to yourself. Turns out there is science behind the case for cutting yourself some slack when you’re trying to do things differently.

Consider what news-anchor-turned-quasi-self-help-guru and self-proclaimed woo-woo avoider Dan Harris says on his Ten Percent Happier platform. In a 2021 podcast series about the pitfalls of New Year’s resolutions—what he calls the most fraught-filled personal change for us all—he wrote the following in his intro, “That’s right, we’re going all-in on self-love … but I want to be clear: this is not sap for the sake of sap—this is sap for the sake of science, and sanity.”

He goes on to note that we’re far more likely to achieve meaningful, long-term change when it’s fueled not by shame or self-loathing (the not-so-subtle subtext of “New Year, New You”), but by self-compassion.

Melissa Kirsch, New York Times culture and lifestyle editor, found a poignant and humorous way to make a similar point one December in her first newsletter of the new year: “My resolutions are typically of this variety: self-criticism disguised as self-improvement. Get in shape; stop your profligate spending; be nicer; work harder. If your resolution seems architected by someone who doesn’t like you, there’s still time to reconsider it.”

Dan published a subsequent podcast interview with Dr. Laurie Santos, tenured psychology professor at Yale, after which he started referring to self-compassion as a kind of uber-habit out of which all other habits can flow.

Working on yourself is a hallmark trait of a trusted advisor and includes swiftly moving through any self-yuck (technical term) so you don’t get stuck in it or slog through change in a disempowered way. Because it’s entirely possible to take ownership for your myriad growth opportunities and be nice to yourself at the same time.

Are you aiming to establish new and better habits for being in touch with clients? To be more courageous with your candor? To be a more masterful listener? Go for it with gusto but treat yourself with kindness in the process and you might be surprised at the progress you make.

Turns out that being great with others actually requires you to be great with you—year-round.

Here’s to a transformative year ahead.

 

 

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Andrea Howe

As the founder of The Get Real Project, I am the steward of our vision and our service offerings, as well as a workshop leader and keynote speaker. Above all else, I am an entrepreneur on a mission: to kick conventional business wisdom to the curb and transform how people work together as a result. I am also the co-author, with Charles H. Green, of The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook (Wiley, 2012).

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