Please think twice before you ask this question
This post is part of our Monthly-ish Tips series.

There’s a particular question that I have come to hate being asked, starting in about March of 2020. I resist it slightly less now, but only slightly. I’m sharing my further reflections on the matter, not because I like to divulge my idiosyncrasies on these pages (though there is that), or because these Weekly Tips are sometimes my public therapy journal (that, too), but because I think it really matters in terms of how we’re connecting with each other these days—or not.


In June, I began a series of Weekly Tips dedicated to White corporate people like me to help us all better understand what’s required to build trust across racial differences. This one adds to my posts on 