Influencing by listening is not easy for most. Business people in particular are well-trained to think in linear terms, to count on the power of logic, and to believe in persuasion by PowerPoint. So when I say, “To influence, you must listen,” it probably sounds like, “In order to do something, don’t do anything.”

I caught myself in the act of being both a chicken and a hypocrite the other day. A double-whammy. I’m telling you about it in case you can relate, and maybe even benefit.

My client Gary Jones and I are gearing up for our next upcoming talk at a big HR conference. Our topic is how to deliver bad news and build trust at the same time. One of the best practices we’ll share is the Three-Question Transparency Test, which I’m realizing I’ve never directly shared with you.

My co-author, Charlie Green, and I are celebrating 10 years of partnership this month. You may have watched our little Jib-Jab samba. You may have even sent me a congratulatory message via LinkedIn—in which case, there’s a good chance what I say next is going to either offend you or sound ungrateful or both.

I got to travel stand-by the other day. My experience was a happy one: I made the flight and got home at 7pm instead of midnight—hooray. It reminded me, though, of a time I witnessed three stand-by passengers whose experience was crappy, not happy. And I share it because it’s an important lesson for all of us to be mindful about what we say when we have to deliver bad news.