A small gesture (and related risk) with big trust impact (Part I)

by | Mar 3, 2025 | Monthly-ish tips

This post is part of our Monthly-ish Tips series.

I’ve been reminded about the power and importance of small gestures—not just grand ones—in the face of big challenges. This extends to trust-building. There are small acts of inclusivity and kindness that we can make a part of our everyday—things like being sure to call people by their name as they wish to be called.

 

Why Names Matter

Rajat Panwar (phonetically R-uh-j-uh-t P-un-w-aa-r), an Associate Professor of Responsible Business Practices at Oregon State University, wrote a brilliant and insightful Harvard Business Review article that encourages us to consider why names matter. For example:

  • Our names are tied to our individual identities. Think about it: your name is often the first thing you share about yourself in a new relationship. Psychologists even assert that our names influence our self-esteem.
  • Our names can be linked to our social identities. In some countries, naming ceremonies are significant life rituals, and names are chosen not because, say, they’re popular at the time, but because the words have a meaning that has been intentionally chosen, or ties to family history. Dr. Panwar says, “In corporate lexicon, a close metaphor for an individual’s name in Indian culture would be a company’s tagline: It reminds the company of what the company should stand for; and it communicates to the world what the company does stand for.” Another example: in Jewish culture, names are given after a relative who has died as a way of remembrance.

I’ve been a proponent for name-calling (the good kind) as a simple and profound trust-building gesture for a long time. But I must admit that when I just now re-read Dr. Panwar’s article, it was the first time I really paused to consider the profound implications for someone whose name was chosen as an anchor for their legacy.

Name-calling as a quick and powerful intimacy-builder

I once had a workshop participant who conducted a 30-day experiment to build greater intimacy by being more intentional about using people’s names.

He worked in an office building that required an elevator ride to get to his office. For the experiment, every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning he would make a point to make eye contact with anyone else in the elevator and greet each one by saying, “Good morning.” Every Tuesday and Thursday he would make eye contact, say, “Good morning,” and then address the person by name—either from memory or, if he didn’t know them, by visibly gesturing to see their name on their badge.

The difference, he reported, was remarkable and unmistakable: every Tuesday and Thursday—the name days—there would be much more conversation on the ride up, always initiated by those he greeted.

When Someone’s Name is Unfamiliar to You

“Anglicizing” or shortening people’s names is an all-too-common practice the world over, as is taking liberties to make it easier for you to remember or say. Dr. Panwar points out that this undermines inclusivity: “When you refuse to make an effort to pronounce someone’s name correctly, it suggests that you’re choosing your own linguistic comfort over their identity.”

This runs counter to creating an environment marked by warmth, respect, and safety (without which deep levels of trust simply aren’t possible).

The remedy is simple: Be committed to using someone’s name as they call themselves. You’ve got options if you need help. Search engines produce audio clips quickly if there’s time for research. Even better, ask the person directly if they’d be willing to coach you on pronunciation, and then practice it until you get it as close as you possibly can.

And if you find your own embarrassment gets in the way—because you forget, or you get it wrong even after practice—well that’s very human of you. It’s also very manageable, and holds the possibility of building even deeper levels of trust. More on that in Part II.

Make It Real
This week, practice referring to people by name in general but especially when you find someone’s name challenging. Try this in conversation as well as in writing. What does your own experiment reveal?

Learn More
Refresh on “Intimacy 201,” or find out more about the relationship between trust and risk in Chapter 9 of The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook.

Here’s to small gestures with big trust impact.

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Andrea Howe

As the founder of The Get Real Project, I am the steward of our vision and our service offerings, as well as a workshop leader and keynote speaker. Above all else, I am an entrepreneur on a mission: to kick conventional business wisdom to the curb and transform how people work together as a result. I am also the co-author, with Charles H. Green, of The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook (Wiley, 2012).

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