A small gesture (and related risk) with big trust impact (Part II)

by | Apr 1, 2025 | Monthly-ish tips

This post is part of our Monthly-ish Tips series.

The last tip spoke to small acts of inclusivity and kindness that we can make a part of our everyday—specifically, being sure to call people by their name as they wish to be called. This week addresses what to do when our own embarrassment gets in the way of doing just that.So, you’ve followed the advice about name-calling, and then … you forget their name, or you forget what their coaching was on how to say their name. How very human of you.

If you’re like most people, you feel embarrassed or awkward or maybe even ashamed and so … you dance around it. You find any way possible to avoid admitting your blunder. How very human of you.

And yet, that’s not your only option. Plus (bonus!) practicing a different response has benefits that go far beyond your relationship with what’s-their-name.

Try this instead: admit your predicament. Say something along the lines of:

  • “You just told me your name and I’ve already forgotten it.”
  • “I’m embarrassed to admit that [I can’t remember your name]/[I’ve forgotten your coaching on how to say your name].”
  • “Your face is so familiar, yet I can’t for the life of me remember your name!” (This one happens to me more and more as the years pass. Those who have the same experience will especially appreciate your candor.)

The confession approach is not only a great way to get better at the whole name thing (small muscle); it’s an important way to walk the talk of a trusted advisor (big muscle). Why the significance? Because you take the risk of telling the truth and revealing your humanity—which, interestingly, usually makes others much more at ease doing the same with you.

Get comfortable (or at least more comfortable) with the name thing, and you’ll find yourself better able to take bigger and bigger risks—the kind that set you apart from the pack in bigger and bigger ways.

Side note: I’m pretty good at remembering people’s names and I’m often asked, “What’s your secret?” It’s a two-part answer:

  1. Being willing to admit when I’ve forgotten takes the pressure off, plus I can get a refresher when I need it.
  2. I make a point to call people by name as often as I can without being weird about it—from participants in my workshops to help desk reps who answer when I call. And when someone’s I might not easily remember the pronunciation, I make a note with my own little phonetics system (“ANN-dree-uh”).

There’s no magic in it; I’m just committed to it.

Make It Real

This week, practice admitting when your memory fails you—about names or anything else for that matter. What does the experience teach you about being real?

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Andrea Howe

As the founder of The Get Real Project, I am the steward of our vision and our service offerings, as well as a workshop leader and keynote speaker. Above all else, I am an entrepreneur on a mission: to kick conventional business wisdom to the curb and transform how people work together as a result. I am also the co-author, with Charles H. Green, of The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook (Wiley, 2012).

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