This post is part of our Weekly Tips series.

The conversation reminded me of a Real Rant I wrote earlier this year about a rejection letter I had received from a committee for one of those mega-conferences, letting me know my speaker proposal had not been accepted. The letter was unbelievably polite. And therefore so very painful to read.

I knew from the first sentence that I hadn’t been chosen, although the actual “you weren’t chosen” message didn’t come until waaaaay down the page.

Here’s what the well-meaning conference committee wrote:

Dear Andrea: Thank you for submitting a presentation proposal for the XYZ Annual Conference being held <date> in City, State.

Each proposal was given careful and deliberate consideration …

It went on for many sentences before they said what I had figured out as soon as I started reading.

Here’s how I wished they had opened my rejection letter:

Dear Andrea: I wish I had better news. I’m sorry to say your proposal for ABC Topic was not selected this year for the XYZ Annual Conference being held <date> in City, State.

There’s more to it (both the letter, and my re-write), which you can read about here.

The key lesson: Rip off the Band-Aid. Do it with compassion, for sure. Just please do it. We all have a tendency to take far too long to say what needs to be said, and then say it overly politely, and formally, when a little humanity would do a world of good.

Good intentions don’t automatically make for good trust-building. Good risk-taking pretty much always does.

Make It Real

This week, aim to be more direct when you have to deliver bad news. Find a way to bring your humanity into the mix—whether that’s compassion, vulnerability, humor … or all of the above.

Learn More

Learn more about how being bold builds intimacy, or brush up on the power of caveats in Chapter 9 of The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook.

P.S. We’ve published 70 tips since June 2014. You can review the archive any time.

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Andrea Howe

As the founder of The Get Real Project, I am the steward of our vision and our service offerings, as well as a workshop leader and keynote speaker. Above all else, I am an entrepreneur on a mission: to kick conventional business wisdom to the curb and transform how people work together as a result. I am also the co-author, with Charles H. Green, of The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook (Wiley, 2012).

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