This post is part of our Weekly Tips series.
When it comes to intimacy, I beat the personal risk-taking drum a lot. Going outside your own comfort zone makes it safe for others to do the same. The problem is that when we humans imagine what personal risk-taking looks like, our brains naturally play to the extremes and we picture yucky uncomfortable things: having emotionally-charged conversations … baring our souls in awkward ways … hugging.
[Tweet “Two simple #intimacy-builders (hugging optional) https://thegetrealproject.com/?p=4676 #getreal #relationships”]
For the record, there are many ways to take personal risks that don’t require Kleenex and body contact. Two in particular that I have found particularly rewarding are:
- Appreciation. Tell someone something you appreciate about them. Doing this is a personal risk because you have to go out on a limb to actually express it, not just think it: “Jared, before we get focused on our agenda topics today, I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge you. I really appreciated how you handled the meeting yesterday. You were clear and direct. And you also really listened to the concerns that came up. It made a difference for the staff, from where I was sitting.”Note that being really specific makes a difference. (Compare and contrast the above example to, “Nice job on the meeting yesterday. Now, back to business … ”). It’s riskier to be concrete about it, not to mention more rewarding to receive.
- Celebration. Create an opportunity to celebrate successes together. Suggest a meeting, a coffee break, or an off-site meal where the only goal is to toast a job well done. Doing this is a personal risk because you have to go outside the business norm of accomplishing-achieving-driving to focus instead on reveling. Give the tendency to be a Task Master a break and help the people who matter to you be present to their greatness, if only for a moment.
The bonus in all of this: it just plain feels good for everyone involved, including (and especially) you.
Don’t overdo it, though, or you might actually want to start hugging people.
Make it Real
This week, do a little appreciating or celebrating (or both) every single day. What changes about your relationships? What changes about your overall perspective?
Read a lovely story about celebrating three people’s lives in “A Birthday, a Funeral and a Centenarian,” from our friends at Trusted Advisor Associates, or read about celebrating a client’s first 5k run in Chapter 1 of The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook.
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