Nice to meet you. Please leave me alone.

by | Jan 24, 2012 | Trusted advisorship | 1 comment

I give presentations for a living. I teach people how to build trust with others, to make lasting connections, to sell business, to create professional intimacy. My job requires me to interact with strangers a lot. And to be effective I have to model all the interpersonal skills I espouse, all the time. So you’ll appreciate the irony when I say I really hate meeting new people.

I’m not completely anti-social. I’m just introverted. And a little shy—a holdover from childhood, I suppose, when during a certain phase of my life it was positively painful to talk to those I didn’t know or know well.

Over the years it’s gotten easier and I’ve learned how to push through it. I make it a habit, during the minutes before a workshop begins, to shake hands with as many participants as possible—to look them in the eye, repeat their name, say, “Nice to meet you” and mean it. It always feels better to have made the effort.

Then there are other times that I simply don’t feel like pushing through it. Like when I’m seated on an airplane, either on the way out of town and gearing up to lead a program or on the way home and decompressing from one I’ve just finished. I feel I should  strike up a friendly conversation. I should want to say something. The person sitting next to me could be my best client ever or someone for whom I could make a real difference in some unexpected way. But sometimes I just don’t want to talk. I’d prefer to retreat into the quiet solitude of my own little world.

Of course, when I venture out of my comfort zone or when someone strikes up a conversation with me and it ends up being absolutely delightful (which actually happens a lot), I question whether or not I’m really such a solitary creature. I suppose it’s a “both…and” situation like a lot of things in life—I am both connected and private, curious and distant, outward and inward, courageous and cowardly. Which means being authentically me is about exploring the outer edges, finding balance, and expressing what’s real from moment to moment.

So, if we find ourselves sitting next to each other on an airplane, you and I, please don’t be offended if I’m quiet, and by all means don’t be afraid to say hello. It really will be nice to meet you and no doubt I’ll be a bigger and better person for it.

Originally published by Forbes
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Andrea Howe

As the founder of The Get Real Project, I am the steward of our vision and our service offerings, as well as a workshop leader and keynote speaker. Above all else, I am an entrepreneur on a mission: to kick conventional business wisdom to the curb and transform how people work together as a result. I am also the co-author, with Charles H. Green, of The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook (Wiley, 2012).

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1 Comment

  1. Andrea Howe on June 9, 2014 at 4:48 pm

    Many thanks for the kind words, John. So glad you’re finding our content valuable enough to bookmark!