This post is part of our Weekly Tips series.
There’s a long-standing epidemic that extends to just about anyone who has attended consulting skills training. You might even be asymptomatic—in other words, you don’t realize you’re suffering. Read on to find out what it is and what to do about it.
The problem, as was recently identified by Charlie Green on the TrustMatters blog, is question obsession.
He rightly called it the consultant’s nemesis, and suggested it grows out of a belief that the key to most things we value in our client relationships (like creating value for them, and selling them more stuff so we can create more value) is to ask the right questions at the right times. Charlie even found a sales website with a list of sales questions along with the following claim: “Get the answers to these questions, and take action based on those answers, and you’ll get the sale. It’s that simple.”
We all know better. It’s not that simple. Good questions, while necessary, are far from sufficient.
Charlie asserts that question obsession naturally leads to obsession with our own products, solutions, cleverness—all of which rhyme with high self-orientation. True, that. My addition: We have to identify and address the source of this obsession if we desire a lasting cure.
Question obsession is, simply put, a byproduct of fear. We fear uncertainty, rejection, embarrassment, and more. So, we attempt to control conversations to mitigate our perceived risk, and we use questions as our tool.
The solution. Charlie’s antidote (rightly again) is to focus more on how you ask critical kinds of questions—those that create insight, improve the relationship, and empower your client. In addition to that, I suggest a tactical shift you can make in your conversations—as soon as today—to steer yourself away from asking so many questions in the first place.
Let’s review seven alternatives to questions that should be a regular part of your listening toolkit. This time they’re in order of least to most risky:
I’m not saying kill all questions. The right question at the right time for the right reasons can be a stroke of brilliance that truly helps your client. I’m saying nip the obsession at the source. Most of us simply aren’t discerning enough because we aren’t that self-aware. We’ve got Big S Question Obsession Syndrome and don’t even know it.
This week, review the list above and pick out the ones that make you the most uncomfortable. Then bring them to your conversations.
Read the oldie but oh-so-goodie, “The Point of Listening is Not What You Hear, but the Listening Itself,” from our friends at Trusted Advisor Associates, or remember why it’s not enough to be right in Chapter 6 of The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook.