I can easily preach to my clients that it’s a disservice not to sell—that it’s part of our professional obligation to be of service. Apparently though, I have a problem practicing what I preach when it comes to selling myself—being assertive about calling attention to who I am and what I contribute. Just the other day I was admonished by a colleague (in a very nice way) for being reluctant to send a promotional email to a list of favorite clients. His exact words were, “Don’t waste another moment on worrying about it being too commercial; it is not too commercial, it is very well stated, and it is a service to all of your readers. So, stop that now!”

An internet search for “toot horn, women” reveals in a very neon-sign-like-way that I am not the only one who struggles with self-promotion. Even Oprah’s website offers “Tooting Your Own Horn 101.” I found it’s a pervasive problem. Happily there are solutions that can be implemented right away.

“Aw, geez, do I have to?”

My own reaction to the need to self-promote is like a child’s reaction to finishing all the spinach on her plate: “Aw, geez, do I have to?”

This is partly explained by the way I’ve been socialized, according to Gail Evans, former EVP at CNN. In her book, Play Like a Man Win Like a Woman, she is candid about the ways that women and men are brought up differently. She describes her own experience being raised to believe in equality, not differentiation. If a girl in her circle of friends won a prize at school, it was the friends’ job to ooh and ahh, not the girl herself. Conversely, boys learned, through the games they played, to stand out, boast and even brag on their own behalf.

No wonder why it goes against my grain to shine a spotlight on myself.

She who waits to get noticed, won’t

Here’s the predicament: there are a lot of incredibly talented and prolific women out there who are getting the short-shrift on recognition and rewards because we don’t make it a point to get noticed. We delude ourselves when we think that a job well done speaks for itself. We forget that attention spans are short and many of the men we work with aren’t socialized to notice unless we’re obvious about it.

We can begin to reverse this trend by listening to female corporate leaders. A recent article in The Wall Street Journal offers advice from 11 female CEOs of Fortune 500 companies on how women can get ahead. They encourage us tobe confident in who we are, differentiate ourselves, ask for what we want and speak up when we hit our goals. Maggie Wilderotter, CEO of Frontier Communications, specifically confirms the need for self-promotion in today’s workplace: “For a lot of women, they think the myth is true, that if they just do a good job and work hard, they’ll get recognized. That’s not the case.”
In other words: she who waits to get noticed, won’t.

Say who you are

Gail Evans captures the situation in a simple maxim: “You are who you say you are.” This means we owe it to ourselves and to everyone around us to do a better job of being our own best public relations person.

Fortunately, there are specific ways to make that easier. In Brag: The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn Without Blowing It, author Peggy Klaus asserts that the art of bragging—distinct from making a lot of pretentious noise—lies in expressing ourselves in an authentic way.  Now there’s a context I can settle in to…and maybe even get excited about.

Seven tips: my “best of” list

There’s no shortage of advice on how to get noticed in positive and productive ways. Here’s my “best of” list, combining advice from experts like Gail Evans, Peggy Klaus, and Oprah, with my own two cents added to the mix:

  1. Don’t think of it as bragging or boasting. Think of getting noticed as communicating who you are. Klaus suggests the essence of self-promotion is “bringing forward your best parts with authenticity, pride and enthusiasm.”
  2. Make yourself known to leaders in your organization. Provide regular updates on your progress. When you get a new boss, let her or him know about your strengths and your accomplishments.
  3. Be a storyteller. Share your accomplishments in the form of a story—short or long—that captivates and entertains your listeners.
  4. Reference data. Though your brain may leak statistics like a sieve (mine does), there’s no excuse for leaving numbers out of your self-promotion equation. Concrete data are a particularly effective way to amplify the story of your accomplishments.
  5. Get behind other women who promote themselves. On more than one occasion I’ve thought to myself (or even said aloud), “Wow, she’s just a little full of herself.” Whenever I do that, I’m reminding myself and others that it’s wrong for women to say good things about themselves. Try saying “Yes!” out loud or to yourself, when you see a great role model in action.
  6. Do it in a way that’s uniquely you. Klaus reminds us that the more authentic we are, the better. She has learned to tell stories about herself in a way that reflects her own personality – with a little dry humor, a few self-deprecating remarks, and in a way that’s both warm and strong.
  7. Practice practice practice. They say it takes practice to become natural. So it is with self-promotion. Test it out on a friendly audience.

The bottom line: Play your tune. Play it loud enough for others to hear. And don’t wait for someone else to play it for you.

Originally published by Forbes 
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Andrea Howe

As the founder of The Get Real Project, I am the steward of our vision and our service offerings, as well as a workshop leader and keynote speaker. Above all else, I am an entrepreneur on a mission: to kick conventional business wisdom to the curb and transform how people work together as a result. I am also the co-author, with Charles H. Green, of The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook (Wiley, 2012).